Can't say I was able to actually do anything to help you. So don't feel that way, at least towards me. You have others to split that part of your gratefulness towards more.
[ the others are a different story but Hijikata has no interest to take gratitude that he doesn't deserve. If you're thanking him for awkward sexy close times with the friend you fed from, however... well, he's all for taking any thank yous you have for that. ]
[ Ivan would not even know how to reply if Hijikata had mentioned that. A pocket watch may have been thrown against a wall upon reading those words. ]
No, you really did. If it wasn't for your words earlier, I think things would have been a lot worse for us. Only I could protect Barnaby in the situation we were in. I had to trust that I could because there was no one else, and I had to do something to avoid a worse fate for him... even if it's something I wished I didn't do...
Even if I also really, really wanted to at the time... For both things. It's confusing. (;.///.)
...
Um, I don't know if anyone has tired, but drinking your own blood to stop a blood craving doesn't help at all. It makes things worse.
[ what did he just read. what is all the gibberish after the period did the translator mess up things again. he's not sure how to reply to that confession but he blinks at his watch at the last part. maybe he shouldn't say what he's thinking right now, which is basically "you tried what" ]
I'll let the other person here that is a rasetsu know. There are only two of us.
You live with this everyday, and yet you haven't let it stop you. I locked myself in my room the whole week, but you believe in yourself enough to trust yourself around other people.
It isn't like that. I made a choice to become that monster, you didn't. Saitou, as well. I can't speak for him, but I can say it's not about trust or confidence, it's about knowing you have to live with the consequences of your actions. I can't let my decisions shut me down and prevent me from continuing to do what I'm living for. Don't think because you were forced to endure something you've never had to and couldn't do it the same way as the two of us have means that we have something you don't.
Besides, my own way of handling it very may well have made it worse for you to experience. I've only dealt with the bloodlust once so far—if you received even half of the withdrawal from that course of action, you should be proud a lock kept you away from others.
[ That's an angle Ivan hadn't considered. Could the strength of the bloodlust Ivan felt really depend on Hijikata's actions? With COMPASS, nearly anything is possible.
He still thinks highly of them for making the choice despite knowing hwo their lives would change. ]
... You know more about this than me. If that's what you think, then I don't see how I can really argue against it.
[ yeah of all the people hijikata probably wasn't the first choice to inherit that stuff from. then again he resists this shit like no one's business.
that's exactly what hijikata thinks, or maybe not. he doesn't know, it wasn't what he thought so much as he doesn't want ivan to think weaknesses or issues are necessarily a reflection on himself. own up to what your failures are, yes, but no sense adding to the mix if they're not even things you can control and fix. point is that there's nothing more to say on the matter with a reply like that, so...]
Kondou-san has been pretty worried about you, so I imagine you'll be seeing a lot of him this week. Take care of him as well as yourself, he's got a bad habit of overdoing it at times like these.
When I see him, I'll try to make sure he takes a moment to rest. Maybe I could try to make him eat or drink something...
[ He can't exactly go up to the leader of the Shinsengumi and tell him to take a break, but if he gives an invitation to share a meal with, then perhaps that'll help for a few minutes. ]
[ he is sure Ivan would do such things regardless but it still means a lot to him to hear it anyway and know other people will actively watch out for Kondou overdoing it. ]
Week 8, Day 1
MESSAGE: I'm back to normal, Mr. Hijikata. ... I guess that means you are too.
Are you doing all right?
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I am. Nothing to worry about.
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[ And Barnaby too, but that is another matter. ]
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[ the others are a different story but Hijikata has no interest to take gratitude that he doesn't deserve. If you're thanking him for awkward sexy close times with the friend you fed from, however... well, he's all for taking any thank yous you have for that. ]
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No, you really did. If it wasn't for your words earlier, I think things would have been a lot worse for us. Only I could protect Barnaby in the situation we were in. I had to trust that I could because there was no one else, and I had to do something to avoid a worse fate for him... even if it's something I wished I didn't do...
Even if I also really, really wanted to at the time... For both things. It's confusing. (;.///.)
...
Um, I don't know if anyone has tired, but drinking your own blood to stop a blood craving doesn't help at all. It makes things worse.
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I'll let the other person here that is a rasetsu know. There are only two of us.
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... Mr. Saitou, right? He mentioned not having taken the medicine to know how long it would take to start working.
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yes. please do not let that get out.
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I won't breathe a word of it.
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Thank you, I am grateful.
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Also, please know that my opinion on the Shinsengumi hasn't changed after this. If anything, I think I'm more in awe of both of you.
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And why is that?
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You live with this everyday, and yet you haven't let it stop you. I locked myself in my room the whole week, but you believe in yourself enough to trust yourself around other people.
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It isn't like that. I made a choice to become that monster, you didn't. Saitou, as well. I can't speak for him, but I can say it's not about trust or confidence, it's about knowing you have to live with the consequences of your actions. I can't let my decisions shut me down and prevent me from continuing to do what I'm living for. Don't think because you were forced to endure something you've never had to and couldn't do it the same way as the two of us have means that we have something you don't.
Besides, my own way of handling it very may well have made it worse for you to experience. I've only dealt with the bloodlust once so far—if you received even half of the withdrawal from that course of action, you should be proud a lock kept you away from others.
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He still thinks highly of them for making the choice despite knowing hwo their lives would change. ]
... You know more about this than me. If that's what you think, then I don't see how I can really argue against it.
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that's exactly what hijikata thinks, or maybe not. he doesn't know, it wasn't what he thought so much as he doesn't want ivan to think weaknesses or issues are necessarily a reflection on himself. own up to what your failures are, yes, but no sense adding to the mix if they're not even things you can control and fix. point is that there's nothing more to say on the matter with a reply like that, so...]
Kondou-san has been pretty worried about you, so I imagine you'll be seeing a lot of him this week. Take care of him as well as yourself, he's got a bad habit of overdoing it at times like these.
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[ He can't exactly go up to the leader of the Shinsengumi and tell him to take a break, but if he gives an invitation to share a meal with, then perhaps that'll help for a few minutes. ]
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[ he is sure Ivan would do such things regardless but it still means a lot to him to hear it anyway and know other people will actively watch out for Kondou overdoing it. ]
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[ Because favorite foods will be easier to tempt with than with things he hates ]
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...But, he likes quite a variety of other things, too, especially if you'll sit down and share the meal with him.
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What about you?
[ Maybe Kondou and Hijikata can share a meal together and both be happy. ]
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me?
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[ He can't help being cute. ]
erp i thought i replied to this
i'm not really picky except with tea.
[ and he's pretty sure getting one of his favorite foods would be impossible here so he's not going to even bother sob. ]